In my own words

From a time now past, of an emotion still felt. I still wonder where these words came from.

I'm restless, in between
That which is no longer there
And the future unforeseen
Feeling on the verge of...
Nothing
Peace... a sense of release
Distant dwelling desires diminished
maybe...
Left to remain forever
unfinished
There is still a yearning
Still
Futile fire
Burning
The world still turning-
Fate forever fighting forward
No word
To describe the absurd
Love leaving
Loneliness
Laughter unheard
Lessons learned
No longer hanging on
Not even wanting what's gone
Or gone is not wanting.
Flaunting, haunting, daunting my-
Dreams-
Mend me at my ripping seams
slipping teams
dripping streams of tears.
Please comfort my fears
Bring beautiful beats
to my ears...
Light to my eyes
Awaken me from the
Solitary Demise
Revise my stance
Teach me a new dance
be that new chance...

Iíve still got
that weakness
leaves me speechless
I donít need this
canít free
this
Itís not me just
that weakness

Itís been so long
since youíre just gone
and Iíve been strong
or so it seems
but broken dreams
lay around me
because Iím not free
thatíd be too easy

Iíve still got
that weakness
leaves me
speechless
I donít need this
canít free this
itís not me just
that weakness

Itís still that shocking
you just walking
no talking
this is not you!
THIS is ME!
he who stood by you
he who with you grew
he who you lied toÖ

Iíve still
got that weakness
leaves me speechless
I donít
need this
canít
free this
Itís not me just
that weakness

Canít silent my damn mind
contemplating the rewind
still wasting my time
and I hate you
because I loved you
and I canít ever again
never again
never ever again.

But
Iíve still got that
weakness
leaves me speechless
I donít need this
canít free this
Itís not me just
that weakness

I make the obvious invisible
I tend to bend
reality into something whimsical
not quite accidental, yet, neither cynical
just the end of the processual blend
of maturity, obscurity, insecurity
inside the mind, an aggressive tide
not so quietly
breaking me
that can never break free
to let truth be
in me, peacefully

I make the obvious invisible
I erase the surface devoicing emotion
over-ponder any devotion
give motion to the notion
that my insights canít be spoken
for fear that my heart could again be broken
though I long for it to mend
I pray that God send
my happy end
new love and a new Ďbest friendí
a smile that is real again

But

I make the obvious invisible
Hide my self behind walls
Look closely as my reality falls
to the floor and crawls
to a door that is closed forevermore

Unfinished 2001

The blindfold slips
Slides, shows a sliver...
Bright Light!
Shocking suddenly to that which is
Sheltered
No. Deprived.
Dismally deeming darkness destiny
But eyes eventually adjust
Finally focus
Find faith
Follow it.

 

The blindfold hits the floor
of the path I leave behind
An unseen yet firmly felt hand
holds mine
leads me
yet
allows me to lead myself
no longer frightened, I
proceed on in anticipation
trusting this
illumination.